"Mama, dada look at me, I am growing bigger and taller." Do I want to listen and respond to this dialogue with the same zeal and enthusiasm? Do I find it super thrilling? Honestly, cross my heart...no!! Logically...that's life - real-time.
My most painful acceptance of Sia growing up, is leaving behind all these moments, which are slowly converting into memories. I am not ready yet, to have these moments as memories. This is THE LIFE that I have known for the last 3 years, 5 months and 8 days (can you see how crankily precise I can get?) I cannot see her as a little girl or a teen or a young woman. We are speaking of another distant era. It is not even in a near future, to imagine and romance.
Another thing about growing up is the mania of SCHOOL ADMISSIONS. We are in the race right now of school hunt, admission forms, fees, distance, CBSE, ICSE and some other terms which didn't figure in my life. I don't get the frenzy. Why is it a big deal? Why do we need to have a drop down list of schools to apply to? Why is it that birth month and date of my child suddenly a deciding factor of her life? Why is it that where we live, an issue for the school? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? And we think only a child can question and bug you with their innumberable and lethal "whys?" I don't think any logical answer will calm me.
These related issues come with growing up. It is nice to know Sia is still unaware of these while she is on her way to becoming a big girl. But soon she will be there. Cos we are growing up. And it is real fast. Add to it, the pure joy of self acknowledgment that "I am a big girl now...I am growing up real fast.." While I don't want to take away the high coming from this sense of self guarantee....all I want to say is, "slow down a bit my gugu baby...I am not ready to grow up as a mama to my little baby."