Revelation

Ok...so I am a 'not-so-nice' mama at times. And I don't want to hide that either. I have my bad moods and temper which get complemented with equally bad, if not worse reactions to my child's 'unacceptable' behaviour.

Last evening after another episode of 'unacceptable' behaviour from my child, I realised that I had confronted the truth of not necessarily being the 'always-happy', 'always-bumming-around' mama who can be walked all over without much thought. Mind you, I quite like that position. I chose to get to the zenith of it. But, it was absolutely necessary for me to rock my own boat. That I am also the 'not-so-nice' mama! I could finally say it to myself and accept it more to myself than necessarily to my child, to her dada or to the world. Let me reveal...I felt wonderful. It was like a whiff of fresh air.

The new morning dawned today. My child didn't show any signs of recalling the episodic tantrum or its side-effects. But I had slightly carried it forward to the morning. Not feeling nice about it, especially since I could not touch the essence or purpose of my life, I pondered. Till I hit upon the definition of my core emotion...'it is OK to be not-so-nice'. There is nothing more or nothing less about that statement. It is just that! Its parallel existence and realisation is what is necessary for me personally to groom myself to grow into a mama my daughter will be happy to have around.